Sunday, September 14, 2014

Praying for the Agnostic Smoker

I've only prayed for something I really want 5 times in my life. You see we never went to church when we were little and we certainly weren't made to pray for anything as we were fully blessed with everything thanks to our hard working parents.

The first time I prayed was when I was about 8 and REALLY wanted the lead in the school play even though someone else had already been given the girl lead. Low and behold 3 weeks later after many a tantrum; I was given the boy lead solos!! Pfft! What did I care, I could pass off as a guy at that age quite easily and I ruled at it.

The second time I prayed was at the age of 10 when mum had been diagnosed with terminal cancer. (Let's just put it out there; she never smoked). She was only given a few months to live. I prayed that her time on earth could be stretched so we could spend more time with her.

The third time I prayed wasn't long after, just before turning 12. It was horrible to see mum in so much pain as she battled, I just wanted it to stop. I also realised that the last prayer was extremely selfish of me. 15 months after her diagnosis the cancer won it's battle. I think back now and maybe I should have prayed for a miracle.

The fourth time I prayed was after 6 years of trying to conceive a baby at Age 22. Summer arrived by my 23rd birthday.

The fifth time I prayed was just over a week ago; I asked for help, I needed help. The week before I had to scrounge every last cent from the couch to attempt to buy some milk for our daughter. It was horrifying knowing that we had smokes to last yet not milk. I wanted to quit. I'd done it before while pregnant but had taken it back up with ease. We are back at the same position this week but our baby unfortunately has to go without (luckily at toddler stage so it's okay) until payday.

Last week I started feeling ill every time I had a puff. The prayer had worked, now to stick with it. I want every last cent of my smoke money to benefit my child and to make up for the hideous mistake I made of taking smoking up.

Don't judge me ---- be with me on this journey as you all have been with me before!!

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