Simple Methods To CONTROL Your Child!

Methods to control other people seem too far in the future for most of us! We want to control that employer that keeps trying to make you keep deadlines, the 'so called friends' that never want to do what you want to do or the other half who just can't stop saying "No" (or sometimes F*** off). At the top of the list there is something that we want to control more than all of these put together, 'Our children'.

We want to control their every movement so they don't injure themselves, we want to control what they eat because that month old 'raisin' behind the bookshelf isn't good enough in our minds, we want to control what they see, draw and learn all at once.

And I say 'we' to signify controlling and overprotective mothers such as myself, but there are also others, those with the looks of "control your child" or even their enormous gobs that they use to voice their concerns.

Here are Some simple methods that I have come up with (without futuristic mind control) to control that inquisitive toddler or boisterous child of yours:

Wave your magic wand or bubbles:  A child's mood is picked by the distraction capabilities of their adult counterpart. Bubbles come everywhere with me, it not only entertains your child during a boredom tantrum but also helps distract them from any cuts or scrapes that they may have attained.

 

Use the force.... to breath: In and out, in and out. Your toddler wants those cheese puffs they've just seen in aisle 5 and if they don't get it they will probably go hulk on your ass! Remain calm, pull out a camera and take a video for their 21st.

Bribe the s**t out of them: I have a row of bribing tools for nappy changes, clothing changes and medicine taking. These tools include but are not limited to the cat's chew toy, chocolate biscuits ( reserved for "Hulk Summer" only), baby wipe packets and other things she is generally not allowed. If it works for the mafia why can't it work for us!

 

Let it go: Take a leaf out Frozen's book. Let Elsa be Elsa, let Dr Phil be Dr Phil and let your child be your child. Let that Jerk in the deli line telling you to control your child continue being a jerk and revel in the fact that his wife is probably a bigger nag that you.

DIY for your kids!

New Zealand is a nation of DIYers! (Do it yourself). If we can't afford something we make it by ourselves using itts and bits from around the house and LOTS of Duct tape (as essential as watties tomato sauce in NZ home)

There are various ways you can search for DIY tutorials: 

Tutorial via Youtube
Tutorial via blog
Tutorial via pinterest
Tutorial via instruction manual
Tutorial straight from the horses mouth (A fellow DIYer)
No tutorial at all (Using your DIY creativity)

There are so many other examples but these are my favourites!

What have I DIYed for my daughter?

Her dresser- I bought a set of drawers from the local recycle center before she was born for $5 and a sander from the warehouse $10 and sanded the rough polish of the drawers. It came out with this beautiful wood. So I left it like that! We were bought up in a house of wooden walls and I love the feel and look of it!! 

A new dress- Head over to my Stitch Witch blog if you want to learn how to make a strapless dress I designed for your wee girl.

Playtoys and blankets- Taggy cubes, blankets etc are huge at the moment. They are simple to sew up and you can fill them with all sorts of things to make them even more exciting for your little one!

Decor- I am a big fan of upcycling to create gorgeous decor. I follow a page on facebook, Oh Em Gee and they not only sell decor but show really creative ways to upcycle and decorate your home, nursery etc. It's not often I find a page I check daily but this is one of them. 

Towels-  Hooded towels are expensive and good quality ones are hard to come by. However I found a great tutorial of how to make Hooded towels in less than 15 minutes over at True Aim and Parenting Education Blog. Make sure before you fork out for those expensive towels, you give this beginner sewing tutorial a shot.

Good luck on your DIY journey!!! And remember it's completely normal to start 10 projects at a time and maybe only finish one! It's part of the fun!!! :) Please share any of your DIY ideas or tips with us!

You're Failing As A Parent

Ever wonder what people are thinking when they blink furiously at you while you're apologizing for something your little one has done or is about to do.

Well in everyone else's eyes, they can do it better. If they were raising your child they would have had them napping while you were on your coffee date.

They, would of course have taken into account the 4 times you got up to your teething toddler in the night (They probably would have let her cry it out), the couple of poo explosions that you had to dash through trying to get ready for the coffee outing (Of course they would use cloth diapers as they are better for the environment and more natural for bub's bum), the laundry that you had to wrangle through as a result of the explosions so there was no stains left in the clothes, and then you have to find and pack the bottles, (Breast is best, they say), diapers, wipes, and entertainment toys (They would of organised that the night before.) Yes they definitely could do it better, they say, or even more aggravating is when they say "Oh yes I've been through that and this is how I did it better than you."

You know they are thinking in their mind as they smile that curved, judgmental, all knowing smile

"You're Failing As A Parent"

 Reality is THEY JUST DON'T KNOW! Those that don't have kids don't understand the full time job they cause and those that do have kids seem to have a memory like sieve, one of those metal sieves, hard and spiky..... and judgmental

What do you do? The answer is nothing, accept that from a very outside point of view with no real understanding it may look as if you are "Failing as a Parent" but it's like trying to teach a 3 year old statistics, they just aren't going to understand it, no matter how hard you try.

All these 3 year stats students come in different shapes and forms:

We have the 'Go Natural' type- Usually found in small hippie vegan cafes or natural health shops, these people will increase your child's risk of SIDS as they highly endorse co-sleeping (Not that I'm against it) until a very healthy age, and running around nappy less, number 1 and 2ing all over your floor or even worse using the dreaded 'cloth diapers.'

We have the 'Doing so well' type- Beware of the fake smiles as they squeeze you dry of all the gossip they can get to pass on to others about your terrible way of parenting. Don't be fooled if they have a baby in tow also, they want to know why they are doing the parenting gig way better than you.

We have the "Done it all before" type- "Rub whisky on her gums just before she goes to bed" your neighbours tells you, "I did it for all my kids and my grandkids". Obviously you shouldn't give liquor to children in any capacity..... even if it is just a finger of it. These are the ones that encourage Cry it out when THEY don't think your baby's sleep routine is up to scratch. If the mother isn't up for CIO, it can put more strain on her, and that is the last thing you want.

We have the "By the book" type- Everything has to be done the way they read somewhere. No matter what trained professionals have advised you, it's probably all rubbish in their BOOKS.


I could go on and on about the types of judgemental people, why do I do this? Because identifying the enemy (as such) makes them a whole lot less scary and intimidating. So just sit back, relax, break the cycle and don't judge other mothers.

By the way "You are doing fantastic job at motherhood!"

Communication comparison- Before Kids and After Kids!

I was just reading a text yesterday and I thought, if I was anyone but the mother of his child this would be an entirely inappropriate text.

Before you had a kid, the only reason you would text your other half during work hours would be to tell him things like:

"I miss you, love you, can't wait for you to get home!"

Now the only reason you want the other half home is:

"You need to knock off early, actually now.... it's screaming and won't stop!"

Communication while grocery shopping:

Before kids:     (Via text) What do you feel like for tea, fettucine, or Ravioli?
After kids:       (Phone call) *Child screaming in background* Have we still got those McCains frozen meals in the freezer?

Texts while [Other Half] "out with friends":

Before kids:  (Text)  (2am) [Me] I'm heading to bed now, back doors unlocked for you xx
After kids:    (Text)  (7pm) [Other Half]"On way home now, Little miss has a code brown"
                              (7.01pm)  [Me]"Bags not"

Texts between friends:

Before kids: (Text) (9.30pm) [Friend] "Wanna Hang"
                                          [Me]    "Sure"
After kids: (Text) (9.30pm)   [Friend] "Wanna Hang"
                                          [Me]    "Dude you woke me up!"

Text while [I'm] on vacation:

Before kids: (Phone call) (11pm) [Other half] "Miss you"
                                               [Me]   "Oh it's only for a few days"
After kids: (Text)           (4.30pm) [Me] " Miss you"
                                             [Other half] "I think it's good for little miss to be visiting her relatives"

WAHM--- The 10 fulltime jobs they actually do!!! :)

What is the meaning of WAHM?

WAHM means "Work At Home Mom"

An extended meaning ---- not only do WAHM's work every hour of the day that their child/children are awake, entertaining, feeding, washing and cleaning between the daylight hours or sometimes not so daylight hours. When they are entertained, fed, washed and cleaned and mothers have a quiet minute, this is when they morph into their secret identity "The WAHM"! Their powers are super sensitive hearing incase the child/children are up to something they shouldn't be up to and they grow a pair of eyes out of the back of their head so they are able to split their attention between the child/children and whatever task they are trying to complete. 

Once the other half arrives home, WAHM needs to get tea cooked, dishes completed, child/children bathed and bedded, then return to the task at hand. This means that she might not finish until the early hours of the morning. 

WAHM's generally work 7 days a week and do it all for a particularly low return.

Why would anyone want to be a WAHM?

I sometimes wonder this? My organisational skills are excellent and I still have trouble making time for everyone and everything! However, even though we get a ridiculously low hourly wage, it's enough income to help make ends meet at the end of the week. I worked a full time job just last month for a while and it pained me every time I walked away from Miss 1! I also realized nobody else wanted to hear all about Miss 1 in all her excitement, so it turned out that I really had nothing in common with any of my colleagues. Being a WAHM is sort of an inbetween compromise for those mums that can't handle "Just being mums" but also want something for themselves! 

How to become a WAHM?

I could give you a step-by-step guide but where is the fun in that. However I will give you a little advice.  Find an idea, and run with it. Don't give up! Realise that it might be slow to start of with but you just grow and grow and grow and look forward to the exciting times. Support other WAHM's! In fact as long as you aren't in the same industry as them, I'm sure you could probably give them a message to hear their story or advice on how to become a WAHM. 

NZ WAHMS-- that you need to visit--

BABY BANZ NZ- Run by Andrea Little- sun & sound safety gear for babies & kids

 

Pepi's Boutique - Handmade clothing for girls!   & Mano Rato - Handmade clothing for Boys! Both run by Krystal Pires

Baby Life Magazine Bizzy Shopping and 2cute - All run by the wonderful Jackie Procter

Bubs Bibs n Bobs- Run by Cushla Jaquiery

Olly Polly- Run by Tess Burnett - Olly Polly is a Merino baby wear company that will keep your little ones warm and snug in Winter and cool in Summer.

Timmy and Tilly's Preloved Kids Clothes and Accessories- Run by Jo Hardie 

Red Riding Hood Yarns- Run by Hannah Gordon

Or head over to the Hive -  a buzzing online shopping experience showing off small kiwi businesses (mostly wahm  ) 

What Nappies Do I Use?

Between working out how much they weighed 39 days ago at the last plunket meeting, price weighing up, working out which gender your child is (it's probably been a long day) the choice in nappies is RIDICULOUS!!!

Cloth nappies? 

To those on a budget an essential! Don't even bother with the one's you have to fold, clip and turn three times just head online, purchase a few dome ups with liners (either flushable or bamboo) and you'll never look back. Flushable linings are a god send especially when it comes to 'I'm gonna crap all over the place mum.'

I recommend Nappy Needz as they have adjustable sizes saving you even more long term!

What I have learnt about disposable nappies:

The great debate between Treasures and Huggies.

Treasures Newborns contain EVERYTHING better during the first few months. NOTE for first time mothers: remember to pull the side flaps inbetween the crutch out. These are also a few dollars cheaper than huggies

As you move up (10-15kg toddler) the Treasures waist band is a little small (or babys tummy a little big) so for better support and 'poo management' I suggest paying the few extra dollars for the huggies as you will be changing outfits all day with treasures.

Don't bother with any other brands until they get older and only need it for caution as NO other nappy even absorbs fluids and they end up with wet clothes constantly.

Of course every baby is different, but at least you have somewhere to start for now!

Four great reasons we regret having kids

Does anyone else sometimes throw down the towel and yell I WANT MY OLD LIFE BACK! You just got a serious case of the ‘Grass is greener on the other side’ syndrome. But was it greener? Lets take a look back and see aye?

1st reason why we want to throw them back - although not literally because that would be completely unfair a second time!!!

“I miss going out”

It is such an effort paying a babysitter, finding the energy or even enthusiasm to trudge to the local cinema these days let alone partying. When you do it’s not that enjoyable anyway realizing that you could be spending the same money on next weeks grocery bill.

Spending quiet nights in or 'family outings' is as good is it gets for you right now.....

But do you really want to go out and spend xxxx amount of dollars, vomit your stomach lining out and end up naked on a park bench? 


No you say? You say now "I don't want to get drunk, just a night out would be nice." I call B.S.!!! You want to go out, piss it up, drunk dial your ex boyfriend to tell him that you are still in love and dance with your mirror self all night long! Yea.... it's not going to end well and if you didn't do this in your teens you are just going to be that weird, sleezy cougar in the corner that everyone is yelling "Go home Aunty, Your Drunk!!!!!"

2nd Reason

"I miss the sex"

Are you missing that roaring lust filled love making you use to partake in! Is it all 'crap have we have we just woken her" or hurrying through before she starts screaming! Lacking the passion and fire in your love life? You're preaching to the choir here!

However have you not heard the old rhyme "First comes love, second comes marriage, then comes a baby in a baby carriage." You can't have your cake and eat it too! If you are having wild sex nineteen times a day, you are going to slip up buddy and then comes a baby in a baby's carriage.

3rd Reason

"I miss the me time"

So long weekend is it?? Oh cool! How about the easter bunny pops around and changes the nappies and spends the day entertaining the children? 

How about we go on holiday? What's that? The hotel doesn't appreciate screaming children?

"That bubble bath went cold I was in there for so long" said no mother ever!

Instead its all about hacking at your legs while keeping the waterfall of shampoo out of your eyes and ignoring the screaming baby that you have left in the portacot. Talk about Seeeexxxxyyyy!!!

As a parent you just don't get 'me' time..... at all.... ever.... zilch.

What you do get is snuggles, smiles, giggles and gas, lots of gas.

4th Reason

"I miss having space"

So you are no longer 'No Friend Nigel', in fact if anything you wish your second Aunty twice removed would stop dropping around every five minutes when you finally got a little nap out of your little one. You should feel so loved with sooo many people filling your house, and attending every little event of your life, oh wait no they were just calling by to see how the wee one was? "My how she's grown in the last hour" they say.

You and your family have never been closer, 'a little too close', as in NO BOUNDARIES. Zilch. I'm horribly reminded of the conversation my aunty had with me a couple of weeks ago about how I should be 'putting out' (*Shudder*) more for the spouse...... talk about awkward!
However a few days ago I was talking to my grandad and realised that family won't be around forever and it's nice having the extra hand, opinion, shove or however else you wish to interpret it.


In all honesty the drunk, sex-crazed, no friend nigel of  the past seems the best place for it to stay as it seems I lack a certain desire to revisit it now. Next time I throw down that towel, it might just be into the laundry basket heading to the line like the domesticated "Mother" I've become! 



Remember to head over and vote for us at Top Mommy Blogs if you have a minute between those ninety million kiddies! 

Born to be a mother..... NOT!

In life there are a lot of people you see that you know are going to make great mothers. Those caring, gentle souls that are impossible to dislike and are far to optimistic for their own good are put on this earth to make wonderful mothers. But for the other 99% of the population, nothing about mothering comes naturally. However, if you are pregnant or a new mother and worrying that you might being doing have done everything wrong, revel in the fact that this alone makes you one of the most caring mothers around. 

Guilt- Plays a huge part in mothering. I have felt guilty all of about 2 times in the last few months. Once was when Summer fell of the bed when I turned around for two minutes. In fact I don't know who was crying the hardest me or her. The other time I felt "mother guilt" was when I realized I wasn't spending enough  time of my day with her instead I was catching up on my 'BIG BROTHER' addiction.

Let Go of the Past--  There is nothing you can do but learn from mistakes you make, forgive yourself so your child can learn to forgive herself to.

Vanity- I guess another word for this can be ego. I find myself shusshing Summer a lot in public because I am worried what others might think of her loud babbling but at home I can't think of a better noise. God forbid if she cries in public it's like my dignity has disappeared down the toilet. I've realised lately that I have to stop this, as when she gets older she will take it that I am disappointed in her and not realise it's my own vanity that is stopping her from having the fun she deserves.

Let them be kids

Disappointment- I guess this sort of falls into the vanity category. I notice I seem to be a very competitive mother for my own glory not Summer's. I get so envious when other kids reach a milestone before Summer. Walking has been a large thing where I have had to learn patience as you can't push her to learn this! At the moment she is fairly content on crawling her way to freedom and at the ripe old age of 1, I'm starting to see why I shouldn't worry!

We spend the first few years teaching them to Stand and Speak and the next decade telling the to sit down and shut up!

Having written these down in list format, I feel that I have started to address the fact that I need to make more effort in these categories to ensure that Summer enjoys her childhood as much as possible. In fact I would love others to share some self-improvement tips with me to help me along. Thank you so much for sharing in this moment of honesty from my part and I hope you all realise what wonderful mothers you all are!!!

"I read somewhere"

The most overused phrase used in the mothering language has to be “I read somewhere”. I remember one of the freakiest things about pregnancy was when my sister would ring me up to let me know about what she had read about pregnancy, birth or newborns somewhere that week. Gullibility is a definite weakness of mine, having landed me in trouble multiple times during my life. In fact it almost killed me when I was younger and my sister told me that spiders would nest in my mouth whilst I was sleeping, so I taped my nose and my mouth up with heavy duty duct tape and proceeded to fall asleep. Turns out you need both of these to breath. So when she rung me with a story of “I read somewhere that women who are pregnant pee their pants on a regular basis…. well I went straight out and bought some decent panty liners because there was no way I was having that happen in public! Little did I know that at 13 weeks I practically had nothing to worry about at that point.

Once I got past the supposed foot swelling, nightmare ridden, sweaty pregnant phase, I was so stressed about childbirth that it was probably a godsend that my little tub of joy came 5 weeks early. I had no time to read any text books, watch any dvds or listen to the several reasons why I should pass on pain relief! In just 48 hours, the only influence I had was my best friend, 10 minutes with my midwife and a 2 minute checkup hourly from the hospital nurse. This was probably the best way to have done it, no “I read somewhere that if you drink this [Insert old wives tale] labour comes on faster”, or “I read somewhere that if you push too hard you can damage your tailbone”

Pregnancy and Childbirth don’t even come close to the “I read somewhere” quotes about the Newborn stage.

Here are my favourites:

“I read somewhere that cloth nappies are just as simple as disposable nappies”

“I read somewhere that you just have to sleep when baby sleeps”

“I read somewhere that co-sleeping is a terrible idea”

“I read somewhere that Breast is best”

“I read somewhere that you can never tell if baby is getting enough breast milk so you should top them up with formula”

“I read somewhere that you should start a perfect minute-by-minute routine from the early stages”

Most of these contradictory phrases weren’t even backed up with any sources whatsoever or any reliable sources. But I just loved how if they read it somewhere or heard it from someone who read it from somewhere it was instantly a fact that I had to take into account as a mother from their expert non-mother opinion. Fair to say I become a lot less gullible when I became a mother.

There are two places you need to receive advice from as a mother and that is your GUT and INSTINCT! Well that’s what I read somewhere!