Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Four great reasons we regret having kids

Does anyone else sometimes throw down the towel and yell I WANT MY OLD LIFE BACK! You just got a serious case of the ‘Grass is greener on the other side’ syndrome. But was it greener? Lets take a look back and see aye?

1st reason why we want to throw them back - although not literally because that would be completely unfair a second time!!!
“I miss going out”

It is such an effort paying a babysitter, finding the energy or even enthusiasm to trudge to the local cinema these days let alone partying. When you do it’s not that enjoyable anyway realizing that you could be spending the same money on next weeks grocery bill.

Spending quiet nights in or 'family outings' is as good is it gets for you right now.....

But do you really want to go out and spend xxxx amount of dollars, vomit your stomach lining out and end up naked on a park bench? 

No you say? You say now "I don't want to get drunk, just a night out would be nice." I call B.S.!!! You want to go out, piss it up, drunk dial your ex boyfriend to tell him that you are still in love and dance with your mirror self all night long! Yea.... it's not going to end well and if you didn't do this in your teens you are just going to be that weird, sleezy cougar in the corner that everyone is yelling "Go home Aunty, Your Drunk!!!!!"

2nd Reason

"I miss the sex"

Are you missing that roaring lust filled love making you use to partake in! Is it all 'crap have we have we just woken her" or hurrying through before she starts screaming! Lacking the passion and fire in your love life? You're preaching to the choir here!

However have you not heard the old rhyme "First comes love, second comes marriage, then comes a baby in a baby carriage." You can't have your cake and eat it too! If you are having wild sex nineteen times a day, you are going to slip up buddy and then comes a baby in a baby's carriage.

3rd Reason

"I miss the me time"

So long weekend is it?? Oh cool! How about the easter bunny pops around and changes the nappies and spends the day entertaining the children? 

How about we go on holiday? What's that? The hotel doesn't appreciate screaming children?

"That bubble bath went cold I was in there for so long" said no mother ever!
Instead its all about hacking at your legs while keeping the waterfall of shampoo out of your eyes and ignoring the screaming baby that you have left in the portacot. Talk about Seeeexxxxyyyy!!!

As a parent you just don't get 'me' time..... at all.... ever.... zilch.

What you do get is snuggles, smiles, giggles and gas, lots of gas.

4th Reason
"I miss having space"

So you are no longer 'No Friend Nigel', in fact if anything you wish your second Aunty twice removed would stop dropping around every five minutes when you finally got a little nap out of your little one. You should feel so loved with sooo many people filling your house, and attending every little event of your life, oh wait no they were just calling by to see how the wee one was? "My how she's grown in the last hour" they say.

You and your family have never been closer, 'a little too close', as in NO BOUNDARIES. Zilch. I'm horribly reminded of the conversation my aunty had with me a couple of weeks ago about how I should be 'putting out' (*Shudder*) more for the spouse...... talk about awkward!
However a few days ago I was talking to my grandad and realised that family won't be around forever and it's nice having the extra hand, opinion, shove or however else you wish to interpret it.

In all honesty the drunk, sex-crazed, no friend nigel of  the past seems the best place for it to stay as it seems I lack a certain desire to revisit it now. Next time I throw down that towel, it might just be into the laundry basket heading to the line like the domesticated "Mother" I've become! 

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