Saturday, September 12, 2015

What It Means To Have a Penis


As I sit here feeding my baby for the 16th time in the last 24 hours, and attending to the felt pen splashed across my toddlers face while their dad is nowhere to be seen.  For this second I wish I had a penis.

Please find the unwritten Penis-having rules below:

1.) Bringing home the "bacon" is seen as entitled to ABSOLUTELY FREE childcare, and complete housekeeping by the mother of the children of Zat Bringer of the bacon.

2.) If that self-entitled Penis has looked after the children for more than 5 minutes, he apparently deserves praise. 

3.) Because he has a Penis this somehow means he deserves 'his time', no matter if this means he might be hungover the next day. This does not mean the mother of child deserves her time as she is the mother and that is her job.

4.) Penis Man is automatically proclaimed as Man-of-the-house although he is barely at the house, does not tidy house and sometimes (when drinking) does not remember where his house is.

5.) "He's a good dad" is an overused phrase, its like praising a dog for taking a good shit.

There are men out there who really do make an effort or play the game well...... and sure enough many will disagree with the "unwritten rules" stated.... but I'm tired of playing the nice cards.... Penis's are seen automatically superior to vagina's.  Will society change? No as it is run by a big lot of Penis's.

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