Saturday, May 23, 2015

I Didn't Realise I Would Need "Partner Changed Into an A-Hole" Insurance

Mid 2014 this is the Insurance figures I was paying

Contents (with Renters Cover): $35 per month
Health Insurance (For Daughter, Partner, and I): $100 per month
Full Car Insurance: $50 per month
Life Insurance (For Partner and I): just over $100 per month 

Total-- $285 per month on INSURANCE

I wanted every situation to be covered, basically so if anything happened to us, my daughter would be okay and looked after. 

I was in a stable relationship, had been for 7 years.  Had a good job, had a partner who was in a good job, that was paid well and the future was looking great.  So we made the decision to have kids. Right age, good financial position etc. etc. It was still going to be a bit tough but we would manage. 

Our first child came along, it was a rocky start with her being premature etc. but we coped.  We survived the first two years of her life, and thought what the heck? She needs a sibling.  Welcoming pregnancy number 2......

All of a sudden my Partner decided that maybe number 2 wasn't such a great idea after all.......  turning to booze, and troublesome people and becoming a, for lack of better word, 'a-hole'. 

I'd covered my ass for everything.  But you can't buy insurance for this????

After battling to communicate, counsel etc. It reached a level that became toxic and not a nice environment for my daughter.  So I had no choice but to leave.  Where to go?  Custody-wise I couldn't move out of the near vicinity, family-wise, my mum had passed and my other family was too far away.

Pregnant, with a trailing toddler I got myself a flat in a town 30 minutes away, within Custody distance and only  two friends in the area.  From a 3-bedroom insulated house to a cold 2 bedroom flat, I had no choice but to turn to social welfare.  They looked at me with pity, I hate pity... but for little miss, I took what they offered. And I started again. I returned to study on an intense packed 19 week course (that was meant to be fit in a year) to ensure as soon as the next baby turned up i was work ready. 

NOBODY HIRES PREGNANT PEOPLE  (no matter how discriminating it may be)

And I sat there crying every week as the bills got paid and I had $3 left to my name.  Even after I cut down my insurance to just car and contents. There was no TV, no sky, only one small heater for little misses room, and sometimes there was no food.  Her dad took her for a weekend every fortnight and complained at the petrol costs to come in to get her.  

I despised myself for choosing to have kids with this man.  

One day at course I read online that someone (I believe it was Mike Hosking) had said "If you can't afford to have kids, don't have them". .... I broke down at this... I'd not cried for months and then suddenly this man, this stranger, was judging me.  He broke me with this comment, I thought I had covered everything, I really had thought this through.

It had occurred to me by now that every solo mother on the DPB was being judged..... NZ is being called the Nanny state.... People don't want their taxes to go to helping the poor. It's done, there is nothing I can do to change it and those people's opinions but just know, life is hard and each and everyone lives their own struggles. 

I'm  happy that I've got a roof over my head at the moment, and love my daughter inside and out.  I'm feeling extremely worried about the next one due, but I'll cope, a lot of single mothers won't be able to afford to continue.  A lot of kids won't be fed and life will be a constant struggle to survive....  It just makes you think.

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