You're Failing As A Parent

Ever wonder what people are thinking when they blink furiously at you while you're apologizing for something your little one has done or is about to do.

Well in everyone else's eyes, they can do it better. If they were raising your child they would have had them napping while you were on your coffee date.

They, would of course have taken into account the 4 times you got up to your teething toddler in the night (They probably would have let her cry it out), the couple of poo explosions that you had to dash through trying to get ready for the coffee outing (Of course they would use cloth diapers as they are better for the environment and more natural for bub's bum), the laundry that you had to wrangle through as a result of the explosions so there was no stains left in the clothes, and then you have to find and pack the bottles, (Breast is best, they say), diapers, wipes, and entertainment toys (They would of organised that the night before.) Yes they definitely could do it better, they say, or even more aggravating is when they say "Oh yes I've been through that and this is how I did it better than you."

You know they are thinking in their mind as they smile that curved, judgmental, all knowing smile

"You're Failing As A Parent"

 Reality is THEY JUST DON'T KNOW! Those that don't have kids don't understand the full time job they cause and those that do have kids seem to have a memory like sieve, one of those metal sieves, hard and spiky..... and judgmental

What do you do? The answer is nothing, accept that from a very outside point of view with no real understanding it may look as if you are "Failing as a Parent" but it's like trying to teach a 3 year old statistics, they just aren't going to understand it, no matter how hard you try.

All these 3 year stats students come in different shapes and forms:

We have the 'Go Natural' type- Usually found in small hippie vegan cafes or natural health shops, these people will increase your child's risk of SIDS as they highly endorse co-sleeping (Not that I'm against it) until a very healthy age, and running around nappy less, number 1 and 2ing all over your floor or even worse using the dreaded 'cloth diapers.'

We have the 'Doing so well' type- Beware of the fake smiles as they squeeze you dry of all the gossip they can get to pass on to others about your terrible way of parenting. Don't be fooled if they have a baby in tow also, they want to know why they are doing the parenting gig way better than you.

We have the "Done it all before" type- "Rub whisky on her gums just before she goes to bed" your neighbours tells you, "I did it for all my kids and my grandkids". Obviously you shouldn't give liquor to children in any capacity..... even if it is just a finger of it. These are the ones that encourage Cry it out when THEY don't think your baby's sleep routine is up to scratch. If the mother isn't up for CIO, it can put more strain on her, and that is the last thing you want.

We have the "By the book" type- Everything has to be done the way they read somewhere. No matter what trained professionals have advised you, it's probably all rubbish in their BOOKS.


I could go on and on about the types of judgemental people, why do I do this? Because identifying the enemy (as such) makes them a whole lot less scary and intimidating. So just sit back, relax, break the cycle and don't judge other mothers.

By the way "You are doing fantastic job at motherhood!"

The importance of mothers

With mother's day coming up (in NZ), I have taken the time out to remember the importance of the mother role within a child's life.

                             My Mum and I 

My mother left us far too early when I was just 12 and although everyone thinks that "Mothering" just finishes when children turn 18 or leave home, the amount of things I realized she missed out on in the past 12 years has been astonishing. Not just the big moments but also the little things she did to keep our family close.

Role model- No matter how much they turn their nose up at your style, your children think you are the most beautiful woman in the world. I remember mum use to diet and I use to be confused as to why, because she was absolutely perfect and flawless in my eyes. Children's Self-image is learnt from example, share your inner confidence with them to give them a better idea of what inner & outer beauty can mean.

Opinion- Nobody's opinion matters more than a mothers, failures can be made 100x worse by adding a mother's disappointment in the mix. However things always look brighter when a mother is first to forgive. Constructive criticism in a loving fashion is probably the best way to get a point across.

Encouragement- Nothing beats having your mother there every Saturday morning watching and cheering at the early netball game, or in the front row at your piano recital. Even though they might not seem to appreciate anything now, children will treasure these memories for the rest of their lives.

Learning about Love- The most important thing any child learns from their mum is love. How to love, be loved and treat those they love. Those sporatic hugs, giggles and kisses you share in the early years will be focus of much happiness in the later years of life. Teaching healthy relationship building is an important factor for their future relationships.

Potential- Children will only limit themselves depending on the way their mother limits themselves. I suggest getting handy around the house, not limiting gender roles and having some fun along the way. This will teach your child that no matter their gender, age or any other factors, if they want to be something, they just have to work for it.

I have only touched on the few ways that mothers shape their daughters, and when you are having one of those days where you feel a little useless, feel free to touch base on here and realize that you someones whole world and even after you're gone, they will never forget how blessed they are for having you as a mother.

Happy Mother's day NZ